lazy-onset anxiety
Mar. 7th, 2004 01:44 am"It isn't hard to get into Mr. Jackson."
--Carolyn's pseudo-Freudian slip while listening to Michael Jackson's "Thriller"
She really didn't mean to call him Mr. Jackson. She really didn't mean to talk about getting into Mr. Jackson. It's just that it's a catchy song!
My feet hate me. I worked for six-and-a-half hours Friday night, which wouldn't be a lot in and of itself, except it was the end of a busy week of school. And this (Saturday) morning people from the ECO club went to a river site to take part in efforts to clean up trash along the Wabash. We picked up so much garbage. We filled bags and bags with glass bottles and beer cans and miscellany; we viewed the carcass of a dead cow (oh my goodness, we really did); we found the most random and disgusting pieces of trash (for example, a rotting sofa); we took lots of pictures gathered around the trash pile. It was a great experience, but it's somewhat disheartening to think of all the trash that is still there because there is simply too much. It's overwhelming.
When I got home, I took a much-needed shower and a much-needed sleep. Then I made plans with Molly and Kristen. Then I had an awkward phone conversation with the boss of the other Silver Dipper store, Dave. He wanted me to come in to work because the girl who was scheduled was really exhausted and was at work but not really working (what in the world?) and he couldn't get anybody else, including all the people who normally work on the levee. (I work at the one by the old K-mart.) I basically ended up explaining that I spent five-plus hours cleaning a river and that I hadn't gotten to hang out with Molly and Kristen in awhile and really needed to relax. He understood, but this may mean some girl had to come in to work on her birthday. My parents and Molly and Kristen told me not to feel guilty, though. I've helped out in situations like that before and I was under no real obligation. The real person at fault is the girl who let herself go to work exhausted and then decided not to do everything she could to stay focused and awake. I took my mom's cell phone and my work outfit with me, just in case.
Tonight was fun. We tried on tons of prom dresses at the mall and then went to Snowbear for ice cream (it would have been way too awkward to go to the Silver Dipper!) and conversation. Conversation turns more and more frequently to graduation, graduation parties, and college. The more we talk, the more excited I get, but the more unsettled I feel. I just want to know what is going to happen. I just want to know what is going to happen. I repeat, I just want to know what is going to happen. Sometimes I think about the best way to handle certain situations and it makes me sad, because above all, I just don't know what to do. I'm not always so good about figuring out how I feel about the present.
I got home in time to watch Colin Firth host Saturday Night Live, but was sadly disappointed. Not by him and not by "Weekend Update," but by the show in general. I thought the monologue was good, but Colin Firth is a talented enough actor to handle more than the material they gave him to work with.
I really wanted to write about the amazing time I had at work last night. I wanted to write about how much I love being a member of the human race. But my legs ache and I need to go to sleep so tomorrow can be productive. There's too much in my life that is only partially complete, and it's frustrating. I'm happy, but my happiness is complicated and my tiredness is simple, so the tiredness is what shows.
--Carolyn's pseudo-Freudian slip while listening to Michael Jackson's "Thriller"
She really didn't mean to call him Mr. Jackson. She really didn't mean to talk about getting into Mr. Jackson. It's just that it's a catchy song!
My feet hate me. I worked for six-and-a-half hours Friday night, which wouldn't be a lot in and of itself, except it was the end of a busy week of school. And this (Saturday) morning people from the ECO club went to a river site to take part in efforts to clean up trash along the Wabash. We picked up so much garbage. We filled bags and bags with glass bottles and beer cans and miscellany; we viewed the carcass of a dead cow (oh my goodness, we really did); we found the most random and disgusting pieces of trash (for example, a rotting sofa); we took lots of pictures gathered around the trash pile. It was a great experience, but it's somewhat disheartening to think of all the trash that is still there because there is simply too much. It's overwhelming.
When I got home, I took a much-needed shower and a much-needed sleep. Then I made plans with Molly and Kristen. Then I had an awkward phone conversation with the boss of the other Silver Dipper store, Dave. He wanted me to come in to work because the girl who was scheduled was really exhausted and was at work but not really working (what in the world?) and he couldn't get anybody else, including all the people who normally work on the levee. (I work at the one by the old K-mart.) I basically ended up explaining that I spent five-plus hours cleaning a river and that I hadn't gotten to hang out with Molly and Kristen in awhile and really needed to relax. He understood, but this may mean some girl had to come in to work on her birthday. My parents and Molly and Kristen told me not to feel guilty, though. I've helped out in situations like that before and I was under no real obligation. The real person at fault is the girl who let herself go to work exhausted and then decided not to do everything she could to stay focused and awake. I took my mom's cell phone and my work outfit with me, just in case.
Tonight was fun. We tried on tons of prom dresses at the mall and then went to Snowbear for ice cream (it would have been way too awkward to go to the Silver Dipper!) and conversation. Conversation turns more and more frequently to graduation, graduation parties, and college. The more we talk, the more excited I get, but the more unsettled I feel. I just want to know what is going to happen. I just want to know what is going to happen. I repeat, I just want to know what is going to happen. Sometimes I think about the best way to handle certain situations and it makes me sad, because above all, I just don't know what to do. I'm not always so good about figuring out how I feel about the present.
I got home in time to watch Colin Firth host Saturday Night Live, but was sadly disappointed. Not by him and not by "Weekend Update," but by the show in general. I thought the monologue was good, but Colin Firth is a talented enough actor to handle more than the material they gave him to work with.
I really wanted to write about the amazing time I had at work last night. I wanted to write about how much I love being a member of the human race. But my legs ache and I need to go to sleep so tomorrow can be productive. There's too much in my life that is only partially complete, and it's frustrating. I'm happy, but my happiness is complicated and my tiredness is simple, so the tiredness is what shows.