be honest

[sidewalksparkle]

I am so happy here. It is still insecure happiness: I could be not-happy at any moment...I could feel like I didn't handle a social thing perfectly because things are different at home; I could walk through a huge cloud of cigarette smoke; I could get stressed out by the honesty I have to expect of myself. But when I am happy it is a really wonderful feeling. And it lingers longer and longer. I'm just not worrying about stupid things the way I did at home (i.e. yesterday I wore a dress that I've always thought makes my ass look big but I decided I didn't care and ended up getting a couple compliments and feeling great the whole day). I went to a Taizé service this morning in the meetinghouse and became completely calm. During the silent part, sandwiched between the songs and scripture, I think I was at the exact point between being awake and asleep, somewhere else entirely.