Apr. 20th, 2004

sidewalksparkle: (Default)
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox...

--The Beatles, "Across the Universe

(Weather and conversation.)


I keep thinking of little things I need to do to get ready for prom (how do people think of making hair appointments and ordering boutonnieres so far in advance?--my mind doesn't work that way), to get ready for English, to get ready for student council, to get ready for scholarships, to get ready for being alive tomorrow and the day following and the day following...


The to-do lists are long, but they're not out of hand. I love them too much. Organizing the daily list(s) is never a chore.


This English paper is going to be awful. I didn't like the second batch of poems as much as the first and there are so many more literary devices to cover and I'm so overwhelmed that I haven't even begun. I have a thesis sentence and a list of phrases using alliteration. Joy of joys. I wanted to write about the plum poem, but I don't feel like I have a deep enough grasp. So I'm doing Thomas Hardy's "During Wind and Rain," a poem I love, the one about death that we happened to discuss the day my grandmother passed away.


I am absolutely dreading salsa tonight. I am terrible at turning. Just terrible. I don't know how to lead with my hips, I don't know how to control my movement. I look ridiculous and I embarrass myself. And I hate dancing with the little older man, because I bump into him and he goes too fast and doesn't stay with the beat. Usually I've looked forward to salsa at least partially, but tonight it just seems like an awful waste of time. My mom said I could just stay home, but Kristen and Diane are going and I don't want to get behind and next week is the last lesson and I should just be brave. I wish I were a better dancer. I wonder if this class will make me dance well at prom. I doubt it.


Clutching at shreds of the good mood. Why is this good mood better than the others, substantial enough to last through all this stress? I'm usually in a good mood, why has this one become an entity, a set of days?

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sidewalksparkle

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