Feb. 28th, 2004

1928

Feb. 28th, 2004 11:38 pm
sidewalksparkle: (peace)
Throughout the last week, our 6-year-old computer entered the final stage of the dying process. I now have 27 floppy disks of digital images, and nearly as many of writing, old papers, etc. For a person who doesn't even have a digital camera, that is significant. Today when I got home from work, I found our new computer completely set up. It's an HP Pavilion f1703 and it is beautiful. Flat screen, nice silvery-grey color scheme, gorgeous resolution and size...and my mom named it Einstein. Einstein and I are going to get married.

It feels like a lot has happened in the past week. Being unable to constantly write here made me notice how often I actually do write entries. Everyday we were without the computer, I found myself thinking about parts of the day from the perspective of How should I write this down? I've probably forgotten a lot of those moments already, which is exactly why the concept of time frightens me, and a big reason why I enjoy writing journals so much.

For example, Friday was the happiest day I've had for a long time because of one moment, when I was listening to Zero 7 on the way home from school with the windows down. It was sunny and warm and stereotypically beautiful, right down to the fact that my hair was blowing in the breeze. I'm really glad I can listen to Zero 7 without having horrible nostalgia-attacks. For awhile, I was really afraid I might never be able to listen to one of my favorite CDs again without a lot of pain.

I finished Orlando on Thursday. "For what more terrifying revelation can there be than that it is the present moment?"

Last night I slept at the church for part of our 30-Hour-Famine weekend. (It's going to be really nice to eat tomorrow, especially since I spent over six hours at work today, which would be over six hours in an ice cream shop. Even so, I'm surprisingly not especially hungry.) Then this morning I saw "The Passion of the Christ." My church had rented out a theatre and it was packed with people. I have very mixed feelings about the movie. I didn't enjoy it at all, but I think you'd have to be a sadist to enjoy such violence. It was worth seeing, and I had a very strong physical/emotional reaction to the content of the movie (numbness, not tears). But I have not spent the whole day dwelling on it. I think I had so many prejudices going into the movie based on the massive amount of positive and negative media attention it has recieved that I viewed it almost hyper-critically. The lack of complete historical accuracy does not bother me as much as the fact that millions of people are going to see this film, and chances are a great number of them won't question the historical accuracy at all, and will view it as universal truth as opposed to Mel Gibson's truth. For me, the movie was significant because it presented the death of Christ in a more vivid, graphic (it's not often that I close my eys during a movie) manner than I had ever considered it before. I spent the whole viewing feeling a sense of respect for what it must have taken to film it, at the same time feeling a slight pull in two directions as a wondered whether or not the film was designed to make people (Christians specifically) feel guilty or grateful in regard to Jesus' sacrifice.

After the movie was a panel discussion right in the movie theatre. I was glad to hear that, but bewildered to find myself agreeing with the both sides of several disagreements within the panel, comprised of professors in religious studies and my pastor. Nothing's simple, I guess. Mostly I just think it's sad that the reactions to the film basically consist of people upholding the expectations of their particular group. What I mean is, we've been so saturated by media representations that people seem to be behaving based on the way their denomination (or whatever) "should" behave. I can't tell if I'm just tired and this statement is grossly inaccurate or not. I do know that I feel pretty cynical right now. But I'm definitely glad I saw the movie. It was a hard movie to watch. It didn't feel like "being at the movies."

Einstein and I are going to be so happy together.

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