Jan. 21st, 2004

sidewalksparkle: (Default)
I fell asleep on my floor AGAIN. This time I was curled up against my reading pillow and I knew I was going to fall asleep. I slept for an hour, but the sky was dark when I woke up and my mom had come into the room to turn out the lights. I honestly thought it was morning instead of 6:30 p.m. My room looked exactly the way it does at 6:30 in the morning. I felt almost ill with panic--I hadn't showered, done any homework, or even brushed my teeth! My thumb was throbbing when I woke up--I somehow crushed it in my sleep. I was so disoriented. Even so, the nap refreshed me enough to finish all my homework except the parts of Calculus I don't understand. I also went to get gasoline so the car doesn't freeze tomorrow. And I went to the ATM machine to check savings and checking totals. And I bought rice cakes at Payless.

The rice cakes are part of my plan to avoid the freshman fifteen. I've been worried about the freshman fifteen for a couple of years, especially after I quit playing tennis. I'm really afraid that next year I won't make good choices as far as exercise and nutrition. So I've been trying since a bit before Christmas to eat as healthfully as possible. I still eat a bit of chocolate or some non-greasy chips every once in awhile, because going cold turkey would only make me crave junk food more and my plan would eventually backfire. As soon as the weather is warmer, I'm going to start jogging again. (I am a huge wimp and would rather not bundle up to go running.) So far, things are going pretty well.

When I went to visit Earlham, I drank two pops in the time I was there after not having had any for quite some time. I realize it was only because the person I was staying with offered me root beer and I'd gotten a pop with my Subway dinner, but I still thought "Whoa! I'm just VISITING a college and I'm already not eating (well, drinking) well." It was kind of funny.

And now I'm waiting for a Weekend Update to download and realizing that I might actually get a good night's sleep. I've been reading The Fellowship of the Ring before bed. I've heard a lot of people say that the first book of the trilogy is very difficult to involve oneself in and that it's pretty boring in the beginning. I beg to differ. Sure, the first fifty pages haven't been thrilling and action packed, but there's something wholesome and relaxing and interesting about reading the story. For some reason, I imagine a combination of my two grandfathers and Ian McKellen's Gandalf telling me the story. I miss my grandfathers. I wish I could have known them when they were younger so the barrier of illnesses would not have prevented us from being close to each other. I feel like I knew my grandfathers relatively well, but as their conditions deteriorated it was harder and harder to feel connected. I'm still surprised that in January of 1998, they died within three days of each other. It was sad, but it was a blessing that both my parents (and their siblings) experienced the peace of knowing their fathers had been relieved from their suffering around the same time. And it was incredible to see everyone from both sides of the family in such a short amount of time.
sidewalksparkle: (call up the spirit)
It suddenly struck me that the journal entry I wrote earlier is about taking a nap, buying rice cakes, and my grandfathers. Maybe I should write less often. Maybe I should write more often, but privately, so no one else has to witness such ramblings. Better yet, maybe I should wait a few minutes before posting entries to make sure they're what I really want to post. (I'm just not the deleting type. Besides, my grandfathers deserve an entry, but rice cakes?)

I miss the days when I would come home from school or from rehearsal or from work literally bursting with some strange poetic phrase that I could incorporate into an entry or, better yet, into an actual poem. That always made me so happy.

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sidewalksparkle

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